For women like Bali, the absence of a toilet is more than an inconvenience. It means danger at night, shame in daylight, and constant fear, especially with a young child to care for. "Before, I had to wait for darkness or walk far just to relieve myself," she says softly. “It was humiliating.”

In the far hills of Aathbiskot, one of Nepal’s most remote regions, the aftermath of the earthquake is still painfully visible. Amid the dust, broken walls, and scattered timber, stands the half-collapsed home of Bali, a mother trying to rebuild her life with little more than resilience and hope. When the earthquake struck, Bali’s entire house crumbled.

The walls that once held her child’s laughter and warmth are now no more than a fragile shelter, patched with tarpaulin and leaning timber. There are no proper windows, no secure roof, and no doors that close. Every day since the disaster, she has been living under makeshift coverings, waiting for help to come. The Nepal government had promised to rebuild the houses of the survivors, but due to the lengthy process and various factors, the reconstruction is still on hold.

But what was rebuilt first was not her home, it was something often overlooked in recovery efforts: her toilet. A simple yet sturdy pink toilet now stands just a few feet from the wreckage of her old house, which symbolizes as protection, privacy and dignity to Bali, her daughter along with her family. Thanks to support of ELCA. Today, she opens the blue door of her new toilet with a sense of relief. It is clean, private, and hers. While her home is still waiting to be rebuilt, this small structure gives her a bit of peace, a place where she can reclaim her dignity.

Because sometimes, dignity doesn’t come from grand buildings, it starts from a toilet

Rabina Pariyar is a member of the “Ugrachandi Nala Mahila Samuha” a women’s self-help group in Ugrachandi, east of Kathmandu. Since 2022 she has participated in the Storytelling Initiative, also known as Hamro Sahakarya (Our Collaborative Action), a project working on enhancing women’s leadership, movement building and advocacy for social norm change on gender equality across communities in Nepal. Pariyar spoke to UN Women about her past experiences, some positive changes she has seen, and some of the prejudice and discrimination that persists around gender and caste in her country.

I was born in Bhaktapur District [on the eastern outskirts of Kathmandu]. My mother passed away when I was in grade 6 and there were many responsibilities in the family. I began learning to sew to support my family, and I was discouraged from continuing my studies. When I got married, I moved here to ward no. 4 of Banepa Municipality, and have been living here since then.

In 2022, representatives from the Municipality reached out to invite local residents to introduce the formation of self-help groups. We were then invited to join the discussion of the "Hamro Sahakarya" project, aimed at understanding and changing harmful social norms, regarding gender equality.

For example, earlier, in our community we have faced challenges primarily around societal attitudes. For example, during menstruation we had to live in a separate room. It was quite strict; I had to stay in isolation for 16 days, not allowed to go out, forbidden to look at the sun. But now, since joining this group, even though we have two daughters, we don't subject them to that practice. Also in the past, [married] women were confined to staying indoors, focused solely on household duties, caring for their husbands. After having children, their responsibility was solely centred around taking care of the kids. People would gossip about the women who go outside for work. But after joining this group, I realized that daughters are just like sons, and we have the right to work outside, not limited to household chores. It used to be ingrained in our tradition that if you go beyond the norms, it would be considered that you have committed a sin, and you must face punishment.

However, through our association with the Center of Dalit Women Nepal, we came to realize that not following such practices would make no difference. We read stories and gained valuable lessons and have broadened our understanding. Now, I refuse to go along with such practices. We had this activity in our group called Jivan ko Nadi or “River of Life.” Life is like a river—it's not constant. From birth, through childhood, understanding ourselves, facing challenges, experiencing joyous moments, and dealing with obstacles, life is a dynamic flow. Just like a river, there are ups and downs. When there are obstacles, I've learned not to dwell on negative thoughts but to find solutions. There are places that you can go and people that you can rely on. I've learned a lot, but the key is that one must rely on oneself. It's about building self-confidence, and with that confidence comes inner strength and the ability to stand on your own, having a voice and a platform to express your thoughts is also important. It is of foremost importance to me that there should be a shift in mindset; people's thinking needs to evolve through education.

It's about initiating a gradual change by transforming oneself first, and subsequently, other communities will follow suit. To my daughters and other women, I want to say that there's no need to feel inferior. I have two daughters, and I know that you don't need to be a son to bring joy to your mother. Also, as a daughter, you shouldn't accept misfortune. Study a lot, excel, and you can achieve great heights. People may judge you, discourage you from walking or studying too much, and push you to get married. They say you should marry and leave your house soon, and if you age, you won't find a suitable match. Don't heed such advice; stand on your own feet. Marriage should be considered after the age of 25 or 26. Don't rush into it; read, walk well!

My children are performing better at school, and I have a strong desire to create an enabling environment that supports their comfort, aligning with the objectives of the project."

Sometimes, Devi works as a laborer, but she spends most of her time on housekeeping tasks as she only has a small house and no land. Her husband collects firewood from the jungle and sells it at the nearby market. Together, they manage their livelihood from these sources of income.

She was just 17 years old when she got married. Having been born into an extremely poor family, she never had the opportunity to go to school. When she moved to her husband's home, she joined a large family that included her mother-inlaw, father-in-law, two sisters-in-law, and one brother-in-law. Her mother-in-law frequently insulted and scolded her. "Your husband doesn't earn, how could we provide you food and clothing." Her husband, who was an alcoholic, also abused her. The situation was further compounded by her lack of citizenship, which made her life even more difficult. Devi recalls, 'I did not have citizenship, which was necessary to receive any support in the village. No one helped me obtain citizenship. I married at a young age and had children, but I still couldn’t get citizenship. As a result, I was unable to create birth certificates for my children. It was an extremely hard and painful situation for me."

CDWN launched a project entitled "Combat Violence Against Dalit and Marginalized Women and Girls (Combat VAW/G)." As part of this initiative, an adolescent girls’ group was formed under the leadership of Gita Chaudhari. Hearing about the project, Devi visited Gita’s home, overwhelmed with pain and sobbing. She shared her struggles with Gita, who was deeply moved and decided to visit Devi’s home.

Initially, Gita was unable to meet Devi’s husband, but she later arranged a meeting with the family. Devi’s in-laws were initially uninterested in helping her to obtain a citizenship. Despite this difficult moment, Gita remained hopeful and organized a thorough discussion with them. She counselled them about the rights and benefits of having citizenship, which the family was unable to understand and refuse. Gita explained the benefits, such as the ability to open a bank account, access social security services, register births, and own and sell property. Convinced by this information, Devi’s husband and in-laws agreed to provide her a citizenship.Two days after the discussion, Devi received her citizenship and was able to receive the birth certificate of her children's. Now, Devi is living her life happily, witnessing her kids obtaining education in grade 1. “My children are performing better at school, and I have a strong desire to create an enabling environment that supports their comfort, aligning with the objectives of the project."

Devi shares, "My life was very difficult in the past, but now I am very optimistic and truly happy. Moreover, my husband has come to understand the consequences of violence, and his behavior has changed. I sincerely hope that CDWN continues its invaluable work in empowering women like me to transform our lives."